So when you were happily pregnant with your first baby, were you at all considering that you might have to brush the teeth of your soon to be progeny? This is a concept seriously missed in prenatal classes. Why do we spend so much time on breathing exercises that NO ONE ever does? Really, what they should do is say, “hey, forget all this crap, what you really need to know is that someday you are going to have to brush the teeth of a small, slippery gremlin, without loosing any fingers in the process. Here – take this brush and get to work on this warthog.” Now that would be training I would pay good dollars for.As you can probably tell, tooth brushing time has been a bit of trying time for our family.
Lately I’ve resorted to alcohol (no, not for my children, for me). I’ve found that if I approach the process slightly intoxicated, I don’t mind getting bitten, screamed at, punched and cried upon. According to my husband, wine makes me teeth turn blue. To which my son will comment, “Mommy, you’re teeth aren’t blue, they’re nice and yellow.” Thanks kid.
If I get my son’s head into a sideways vice grip, that seams to work best (see attached). That way I can angle his mouth open with one hand while brushing with the other. And to note, the bar has been raised. Our parents never had to FLOSS our teeth, but now that is considered necessary. Why not take a piece of string and attempt to thread it through a combine? You would probably be as likely to succeed, and would not have to succumb to the mental agony that your offspring will put you through. “Mommy, you’re hurting me! Mommy, stop! Mommy, why do you hate me?” At which point you undoubtedly get bitten.
This is not to say that I don’t agree with dental hygiene. I personally brush and floss dutifully each and every day. And I also go through this terrible process multiple times per day (did I mention that I have TWO children, both with razor sharps fangs?) I know it is best for them, for everyone (who wants the dreaded cavities?) It is just that I think I would have been better had I been at least slightly prepared for this, at least warned. All you parents out there knew, but yet no one said anything. So – consider yourself warned.
